I have absolutely nothing to say. I am bored out of my mind, hopped up on caffeine and phenylephrine, unable to sleep, and I have nothing to say. Nevertheless, I have a blog to update, so here ya go, a few random thoughts that've been floating around my sleep-deprived brain:
1. I love the ellipsis. I love it a lot... A whole lot......... I feel that the length of the pause should be signified by the number of periods in the ellipsis. That could be my addition to the English language that makes me notable, like Dickinson's annoying little dashes, and Heinlein coming up with the word "grok." Every time you see an ellipsis, think of me.
2. I sometimes read while sitting at stop lights. This tends to cause the drivers around me to give me strange looks, generally somewhere between "Woah, this guy is crazy because he's reading while driving," and "Woah, this guy is crazy because he's reading."
3. I have poor time-management skills (evidenced by the fact that I am typing on a bloody blog at 1:30 in the morning). Even worse is my ability to remember things of importance. I can sing you 4 out of 5 songs on any station of the radio, but I have no clue when my next Chaucer paper is due. It seems that my brain loves interesting-yet-worthless facts but eschews day-to-day necessities. It's a good thing that my wife excels at organization, or we'd have our power cut off every few days.
4. I enjoy Payday candy bars more than I enjoy every other Friday that is my payday. But the first is completely reliant on the second, so I guess I like paydays more than Paydays. But the only reason I like paydays more is because they allow me to have Paydays. So, in actuality, I like Paydays more than paydays, which I, in turn, like more than Paydays. My favorite is enjoying a Payday on payday. It's just awesome.
5. B-B-B-Bored...............................................(long freakin' pause).......................
6. McAlister's has the best pickles, and I don't know how they get them that good. I have tried all the brands and none of them stack up. I wonder if they have some sort of mystical pickle farm in the back next to their enchanted sugar-cookie tree and the Manticore/Oompa Loompa hybrid that brews their sweet tea.
7. Geoffrey Chaucer really should have died a lot sooner than he did. Preferably the day after he completed The Canterbury Tales. In fact, he should have never written anything other than that, because the rest of his bollocks (see, when insulting the English it's best to use words they know, or else they get their knickers in a bunch over tea and crumpets, sitting under Big Ben while listening to The Clash) makes me want to shove a fork in my eye. Especially The Parliament of Fowles. If you want to simulate the experience, just whack yourself on the head with a ball-peen hammer for four hours.
8. I sometimes wish I had superpowers, but then I realize that I'd eventually get sick of having to run out and save people. "I'm trying to watch the World Cup! Can't you please stop blowing crap up for a couple hours?!?" I would imagine Superman got fed up with us stupid earthlings after a while. Maybe, if he hadn't been so selfish he wouldn't have take up horseback riding (too soon?).
That's all I got. Rambling and pointless, I know, but hopefully you were able to make some sense of the raving lunacy that is me forcing myself to write even though I have no clue what to write about.
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