I am the best essay writer in the history of essayism...

Here is a verbatim short-answer I wrote for my drama class.  I got 4 out of 6 points, by the way.  The question was -

"Describe one of the following traits of Greek Drama introduced by Aristotle in his work Poetics: Hamartia, Peripeteia, Anagnorisis."

My answer was -

"Unfortunately, I have no bloody clue.  Apparently I spent too much time reading the actual literary works and their influence on other forms of drama rather than studying some random Greek words that attempt to describe said plays.  I figured the plays were the important part.  However, because I am required to choose one, I'll pick "anagnorisis."

Anagnorisis is a painful, itching skin disease, somewhat similar to eczema.  There is no known cure for anagnorisis, but the symptoms can be reduced through the use of topical corticosteroids such as hydrocortisone or triamcinolone.

Anagnorisis was named after a distant relative of the African rhinoceros, the Agnorhino, mainly due to the scarred, leathery skin left behind after the disease runs its course.  Anagnorisis is a fairly common disease, effecting 29 in every 1000 people (+- 4%).  The prognosis is good, due to the relatively benign nature of the disease, and there have been no recorded deaths due to anagnorisis.

</humor>"

It is a testament to the awesomeness of my professor that I got partial credit for this mountainous pile of complete bullcrap.  She said that my creativity deserved some credit.

Anagnorisis actually means "recognition or discovery," in case you give a crap.  I sure don't.